Saturday, July 16, 2011

From The Voice of an Immigrant!

No one understand the feeling of being called 'outsider' in the country you call home, in the country your family legitimately live for the past 3 generations. Not until one lives in that environment.

Have you watched or observed when the kids play at the playground? Let's say kids under 5 years old. The toddlers. Whose view of life have not been tarnished by skin color, religious belief, type of cars or the value of money. They play with all kids, regardless. So, I am telling myself, with correct influence, the same scenario can be re-created 15-20 years later.  The under laying factor that make them concious of the differences due to the education, influence, experience and make-belief they receive as part of their growing up process.

I spent all my adult life in my country. The only time I left, it's only as a tourist.  Until 10 years ago. Due to personal reason, I up-rooted from my country of origin to be with my other half.

Being a keen observer, I saw the confusion one felt being called a stranger in a place one calls home. I felt the pain of being subtly rejected and treated differently simply because ones don't have the same skin color. I felt the hurt of being eliminated because one don't have the 'normal' and 'acceptable' name. I heard the pain from the voice of my loved ones when they shared the stories - sarcastic someone who in heated argument hit them under the belt by asking them to go back where they came from. Felt their sorrow when my loved ones were told they don't belong.

Really, this experience was eyes opening to me. What's comes around goes around! That's karma, and I was paying the price! And My God, I promised myself that's the only price I have to pay. I vowed  that I would never repeat my mistake, ever!

I felt the ugly feeling of being unwanted, with no sense of belonging, simply in a country without a root. And I don't even call the place my country.  I am still a proud Malaysian.  But my loved ones are not. They don't have any other country but the one they live in. That's their country! They can't be blamed for the decision made by their older generation who decided to move on and move to the opposite part of the world.

The damage those feelings have on the younger ones are non-describable. Do you know the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?  It says : Every human-being has the basic needs: to feel secured, to have sense of belonging, to be accepted, to be loved.

When human beings are deprived from having the Maslow needs in a normal way, majority of them sought it in negative way. The word 'gang', 'mafia', 'brotherhood' are their saviour.  Their basic needs are fulfilled.  They felt they have arrived, landed and rooted. They were hurt by the society who shunned them. They now want to hurt back the very source who pushed them there.

The cycle repeat. It took a strong generation to change the entire scenario, change the storyline, remove the layer of hatred. Normally, through education, exposure to positive life, embracing difference as another creation of Almighty, and respect is the word to live with.


Only selected few refused to bend down and crack under social pressure.  Their basic needs created based on their intellectuality, society ladder and the determination to create their root and head on with the social stigma.  The selected few are the people who finally able to emerge at the top in their new country. 

I hope one day my country can be a place where the man-made creation that cause the rift and fraction today will be blurred and eventually social division is removed permanently.  I wish the creator of hatred whose self-benefits are the sole reasons of creating the crack will soon wake up and realise the damage they did cause nothing but misery to the nation and to their own generations.  

I want to look at the eyes of my fellow countrymen without anyone of us consciously measure each other credentials because of skin colors, religious belief or country of origin. One day, and I firmly believe that day will arrive soon, when we can speak the same language, live in the same area, study in the same college, and celebrate the same goals without being tarnished by the sentiments exist today. 

Our children will enjoy this unity and they will carry out the true value of being a man/ woman. 


We have to realise the world is fast becoming boundry-less. The skin colors are blurred, religion will be embraced as the reason for unity. The only reasons we fight because we don't like corruption, we hate cruelty, we condemn child molestor, we resent killers!

I know one day my country will live this present life as its past. One day my legacy will learn the past mistakes and ensure lesson are learned and never to be repeated.

I want to change, small steps make big differences.  I start this with myself.  I reach out the people around me without being prejudice. I practise what I preach.  I trust those who have come across my path able to attest to my testament. I measure them for their credibility, capability and ability.  They are welcome in my house as I know I am welcome in theirs.  Our differences are the reasons we unite, respect and love.

Make your first step today to change, you will soon realise that very first step will take you to the glory in the future.  Make the differences. Change it. Teach your legacy and make them look at the differences as positive aspect of life.  Make them understand that is the creation from Almighty, from God, from Allah.  Make them understand the differences to be treated with respect, with humanity, with love.  Change my friends, as that is the only constant in life.

I have my faith, I believe and therefore I have hope.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Temptations in Life!

Hey, what annoying emails I received in the past few weeks!
The title such as "Congratulations, we approved your overdraft of US 4.5 million".
2 days ago, an email from "FBI", stating I am now a millionaire, someone whom I never knew exist just went dead and the person left me with a few millions bucks!
About a few weeks ago, a lottery company from UK sent me an email, stating "You are the lucky Winner! Come and pick up your winning reward". And the content said, again, I am the soon-to-be millionaire.

Wow, in a short span of time, I suddenly become the candidate of a-millionaire-club.
How interesting!
How annoying!
Do they really think there are idiots to fall for such scam? Hmm.. I am doubting myself now.
So, I decided to Google.  Just don't ask me where I find the time to do it. Amidst my demanding job, managing household, my family, be a mother, cleaner, a cook, and a wife, I do have time for blogging and googling! I simply unwind and gain my sanity doing such things. What can I say, I am crazy!
Gosh! You won't believe what I found from the Google Search returns.

So, if the ONLINE scam is a known criminal-intend, why on earth these scammers still doing what they are doing? My only conclusion, there are people out there still fall for these scams.
When there is demand, there is supply, yes?

This is an easy philosophy of life.  Temptations are everywhere. Sometimes the sign appears so glaringly that you simply don't need to have second guess to understand the message. But most of them come in disguise.  You won't know what hits you until it was a little too late.

Temptation comes in various faces, most commonly known are greed, lust and self glory.

Greed are always the lowest and the weakest link in human chain.  I can understand that. Just simply imagining myself having abundance of cash, no more worries, clear path of survival for the rest of my life, and travel around the world, first class, pent-suite.  That's everyone's dream! And those dreams put a big smile on face when I  sleep, so my husband said!
But I always believe that success doesn't roll itself onto your lap. If it comes easy, always you will lose it easily as well.  Well earned wealth come through hard work and honest way.  These are the basic acceptable way of living, at least in our normal world.  In this instance, it leads to stable life and you can almost see and feel the happy ending at the end of the tunnel.

Not everyone is lucky to be born in a silver spoon.  Ordinary people like you and me, we have to work towards the success.  So, when you see those dollars sign emails in your inbox, delete it. You don't want to be in the statistics of being the idiots!

How about lust? Hey, always the phrase "I am only human" being used when one is being cornered after succumbed to the temptation. Come-on, that's lame my friend.
Ask yourself what you value most in your life.  Take care of that treasures.  You protect your precious belonging in the house with well design security systems, top dollars fence and security gates.  And yet you do not put the same security effort so that your other half's heart and feelings are well secured! Not to forget the young ones whose eyes and hope are on you as their pillar?  How can someone can carelessly admitted "it started innocently, I didn't plan for it to be this way".

How many of you out there plan to be a diabetic patient? Drug addicts? Alcoholics?

Ask any sweet tooth person, if you are a chocolate lovers, how hard it is to resist temptation?  Put those finger linking good cakes, tell me, can you resist it? Diabetic patients, whose fault due to their love of sugar, can really tell me they can resist ALL THE TIME?  Perhaps the first few attempts may not have the impact. But if the chocs and the cakes been shoved to you EVERYDAY, for 3 months continuously, can you really tell me honestly that you CAN resist it?
The just-stop-smoking smokers.  Ask them, can they resist the temptation to pick the stick and suck the nicotine again?  Even after 10 years, you can hear them telling you it is VERY hard.

So, normally people who seriously want to avoid from falling into the temptation, their first step of protecting themselves is through AVOIDANCE.

Now, the same principles applied to lust.

You walk everyday in the office, looking at those eyes whose invitation is so clear.  You know that it is a forbidden path, but back of your mind you felt the trill of being pursued.  It started with a small chat at coffee area, followed by group lunch, later change to one-on-one lunch, and the pattern appears, you feel the adrenaline pumped through, and to hell with your other half and the young ones. And later you have the tendency to say sorry, you didn't mean it? Huh?

I received every now and then some messages in my inbox,  from some blokes whom I don't know.  Those flowery message - "I can't have my sleep since I see your photo", " Your profile simply stuck in my mind..bla..bla..".  I asked myself, how many women out there fall for these kind of "hunter". I do believe the reverse is true. I am 100% sure that there are women who prey upon men, the same as I experienced.

I can imagine the havoc it creates in a marriage if the first step was taken.  The moment the "Accept Friendship" button is clicked, the first security door is unlocked. Once the main door is undone, to open the other locked doors normally not so hard.  The moment the first crack appears, it is a matter of time that crack gets bigger and the pillars will eventually collapse.  That is science. And it is logic. Make sense. So, click that delete button.  Don't be tempted.

What about self-glory? Always this is associated to greed. I have to agree.  Always one falls into the temptation of lies and deceits to preserve or gain what is referred to as self glory.  Take where credits don't belongs to. Claim accomplishment when one doesn't deserve it.  Create web of lies to cover the rotten flesh underneath.  Deny statement made and witnessed by several others.  All sound familiar.

My answer to any questions to temptations - AVOID.

As human, never try to measure our strength in resisting the heavy burden of temptation. Don't ever go near it.  You don't know if you can handle the weight. Maybe you could, but always in the process, you destroy a few around you that matters.  To me that is a risk you should never take. Mitigation is via avoidance.

Would you agree?

The Value of being Humble and Grounded

An interesting statement indeed.  

I have a habit of entering into non-work related topics discussion with my colleagues and staff.  Always include the so-called philosophical topics, which I try to impart my life philosophy to my undertakers.  

Do I have the right ones? I don't know.  But I do know one thing, 

If you are at the top, the only way to go thereafter is down.  No where else.  Scientifically, gravity defy the logics you can continue to fly upwards.  So, in my thinking, if I were to fall, I want to fall gracefully, less hurt, less painful. 
How can I ensure my falling will be cushioned abit? 

Hence the phisophical aspects of my life. 

I like to watch nature, and though I am not particularly good at remembering famous quotes and sayings, there are some that stick in my mind. Some of them in Malay, but I will translate it literally. 

Don't be like the cogongrass, but be like the paddy, the more it filled up, the more it bows down (literally due to gravity force). 
Simple and beautiful observation from the people century ago.  The message is that the more you enriched yourself, either literally through your wealth, knowledge or status, the more humble you should be.  Boasting and showing what you have are not encouraged. 

The old saying also said something like this "don't be like an empty tin, too much noise when you flick on it. But be like a full one, hardly any echo nor noise". 

Have you ever heard of the phrase "the steps you take today determine your path tomorrow"?
I don't understand this at first.  But now it is very clear to me.  Every steps or decisions you made in life must be weighed carefully. That step you are about to take, will lead you to the destination, at a point, in the future. 

Always try your best, do the best at any given circumstances, so that you will never have the "what-if" questions wishing you would've done so. For if that question is raised, it doesn't bring value anymore. No one can live the past, nor can one predicts the future. So, doing the best is what's count. 

As I was growing up, my beloved father always said this to his kids "don't do the things you don't want people do to you or your loved ones".  Particularly to my 4 brothers. He continously reminded them, don't hurt any girls as much as you don't want anyone to hurt your sisters or your daughters.  Today, all of them acknoweldge the depth of the meanings of the repeated reminders my father ramped on them.  The past will haunt us back, the good will raise us up, the bad will bury us deep. 
What's goes around comes around.
One day Karma will catch up with you. Whether it is a bad or good ones. 
Life is a complete cycle, somehow you always find yourself back to the same point.
I believe all of the above.

15 years ago, when I was working in a bank, a colleague from different department was about to get the axed. He came to me for the opportunity to join my team. Co-incidently, my department was growing, and I looked at it as an opportunity to staff my team. Little that I knew, that simple act of mine went a very long way. He is now a Managing Director of a reputable company, small but with high profitability.  I am now being repayed, not directly to me but to my loved ones who got the opportunity to be helped by him. How small the world is, what's goes around comes around, indeed.

I also met an ex staff of mine, who left the bank soon after my promotion to the position he aimed for. The tension was in the air after the step up as I suddenly became his boss, instead of his peer. Not like before.  But being a grounded person, I always tried my level best never to cross professionalism even though at time it was very tough to be one. 10 years on, I met him when I joined a different company. He was holding a high position, and guess what, he was my customer, a very important one!! Due to my professionalism, and he admitted his fault he did in the past (10 years ago), I gained instant trust and hence the ability to execute my role successfully in the new company within short time frame.  He became my champion and supported me in hard times.  Again, I've been paid for the deed I did in the past.  

Another interesting saying - the knowledge you have, share that with others as that is the only way you can grow. Impart the knowledge, so you create a space for new knowlegde to settle in. You train your staff, make them as good if not better than you, it will give you the opportunity to step forward. I am amazed when some of the colleagues I knew, felt treathen to impart their expertise to their downliners, afraid that will make them less capable. Afraid if they do so, their value will reduce significantly.  How strange.  
To me, if my staff become as good if not better, I would pat my back.  I knew I've sucessfully performed my duty, so if the next opportunity come by, I can step out easily.  Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plan.

Our self image, when strongly held, essentially determines what we become.
Try to shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.

I end my mumbo-jumbo philosophical statement today with another saying that I love most.

"True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers, not the enrichment of the leaders". 

Egypt Uprising

Feeling dejavu when watching CNN on Egypt uprising.  The action was exactly in my mind when I visited the country last year, July 2010. 
The poverty was so glaring considering the wealth of the country, with one of the 7 wonders of the world located there.  CNN reported that in 2009 alone, Egypt was making US3.1 bilion from tourism industry alone. Heck, where did this money go?  As I passed the passage to the Pyramid, i saw the poverty laying ahead of me, houses after houses, kids under 10 years old working under the hot glazing sun.  
Our guide was a man  who graduated from business management in US.  He has been doing odd jobs since returning to Eqypt 5 years ago from US.  He has to stay in Cairo, to be near to his kids from his failed marriage.  Couldn't get a decent job because they are reserved for those who knew someone at the top.  
OK, I told myself to give this statement a benefit of doubts.  
As you passed by the city, the statement somehow has some weight in it. 
I asked him, why no one protested and raised this up to the government. Of course I received cynical laugh, showing how much I know about the political arena in this part of the world.  
But my argument is simple. 
In the course of 3 days in Cairo, I met more than 3 people who are well educated and spoke good English.
Please bear in mind, majority of the kids who are becoming part of the cheapest laborer in Egypt are illiterate due to lack of education.  I do not know the statistics, but according to the guide, almost 1 kid in every household in Cairo alone does not go to school. Go figure!
I trust that education make a man of you.  Fear came from unknown, knowledge is power and give you strength!
I am thinking to myself,  within this small sample of population that I personally encountered there are 3 educated people,  this sampling can lead to more than 10000 highly educated people in Cairo.  On this small number, I deduced that surely there are the main streams who can uplift the poverty that is beyond comprehension, specially when it is located in the middle of money generated industry.

So, watching the TV now, I felt small satisfaction that the Egyptions have woken up.  These are the people who deserve the wealth of their country.  These are the people who hopefully will shape a betterment of Egypt.  Of course I felt deeply regret that there are too many casualties resulting from this uprising.  

After returning from my trip from Egypt, I told a few of my friends that I will never go back to Egypt again. 

But now, I might change my mind.

Hoping the sacrifices of the people in their fight against oppression will bring positive development of a country that has plenty to offer to its citizens. 

Egyptions, know you true value and fight for your rights as a citizen.

My prayers go to you! 

The life we lost

5th May 2010  was the day I will never forget.  It was Wednesday, I remembered it well because it was public holiday in Netherlands (only 5 days in a year the Dutch enjoy public holiday).  We heard Sam's mobile phone rang none stop at about 8AM our time.  Missed calls from Australia's number and immediately Sam went to laptop and dial back Solonge's number from the Sykpe.  As soon as she answered the phone we heard nothing but loud crying from the other end.  Our heart beat so fast, and Sam practically was stammering, asking her what was going on.  Solonge ranting - she's gone, Marylee is dead!.  Our world spun for that second, still coudn't comprehend the message.  We had to ask Solonge twice to ensure we heard it correctly.  
Marylee, our loving and beautiful niece.  We simply couldn't believe it.  A healthy girl at 20, bubbly and ready to embrace the world. Life just started for her, but God loves her more. He took her away in middle of the night and she simply didn't wake up the next morning. Her little sister came to her room, to wake her up for work and her piercing screaming was heard by their parents who were getting ready for breakfast.  They came and discovered their daughter Marylee was already gone.  Doctor calculated she has been dead at least 4-6 hours before they discovered her body.  What a shock!  Then I told Sam to call his mum who was at that time was in Rachaya, Labenon.  We called her, she was having her breakfast, and as soon as we told her the news we could hear her screaming at the other line, crying her heart out.  We just hang on listening to her, worried about her. We put down the phone after ensuring someone was with her. 
And the days ahead, I was in daze.  Everyday I went to Facebook, looking at Marylee's photos, tears in my eyes.  For a few nights I woke up in the middle of the night, checking on Saalem, checking on Sam.  So afraid having to endure the pain of losing someone you love, you own kid.  Praying to God not to test me in such a way.  
The following months I read day after day how Jaqueline, Marylee's mother trying to cope with her life.  Her struggles to come to term of losing her lovely daugther.  Trying to be strong for her family, but her heart and mind simply refuses to accept what has been happening.  I felt her pain. Hopelessly watching from far, knowing nothing can be said or done to take away the pain.  
The whole family struggle to cope with the fact.  Including her fiancee, who until today still live in the love they shared together for good 6 years. 
One year down the road, the scene remain the same.  
The pain still as strong as when it just happened. 
The emotional scar permanently embedded on most of the people Marylee touched. 

I pray to God that Marylee will be in peace in heaven, she is in a better place.
I pray to God to give inner strength to her immediate families and fiance, to be able to move on and deal with the lost. 

From HIM we come, to HIM we return.  Amin. 

The Definition of Achievements in life!

It is 18 months now we are in Netherlands.  Looking back, I just didn't feel the time flew.  Too fast. Felt like only yesterday we arrived here and struggling to fit into the community and the culture.  Now the decision need to be made.  Either we extend our stay or return home at the end of 24th month of our tenure here. 

What have I achieved? What achievements are all about? 

A friend from Malaysia called 5 days ago. He was in Netherlands, accompanying his son who represent Malaysia in the Robotic School Competition in Europe.  67 countries participated.  My chest burst with pride.  Proud to know a friend of mine has produced an offspring as intelligent and smart as he was when we were in school.  Proud to know these kids (15 of them), at tender age have the determination and knowledge to participate in such competition, making me felt small in comparison (figuratively, of course!). 

That's what I called accomplishment! That's define achievements! Something any parents must be proud about.  I would! 

Looking back, how I was brought up.  Looking at my parents, I felt the same burst of pride.  Proud to have such a loving and dedicated parents.  Despite all odds, raised 6 kids successfully, with only one bread winner and small income did not give any reasons to my parents not to do the best for their kids.  Materialistic - big car and big house - were not in the equation.  The results are eminent.  We are their pride and joy.  
Another set of achievements and tremendous accomplishment in my list. I am their living proof.  My heart full of gratitude and full of loves for both of them, and all my uncles and aunties who played their roles as we grew up. I love all of you and thank you!

Another layer of life created.  Another generation was born.  God blessed me with one healthy child. Though I love to have big family, I am grateful for what I have today.  I have loving husband, healthy son and good career. Blessed with what I have.   How would I define my achievements?  What are my hopes in my son?  Being the only son will make him a spoilt brat?  Will I be measured by society on the type of car I drive, the address I live in, how expensive my furniture in the house? Or will I be considered achieving the mark if I have all of the above but failing in raising my son? 

I have one conclusion, having the luck living in 4 different countries, I picked what are good, and I learn from what are bad.  One good thing I decided is that I will not be pressured by the materialism mentality as the measuring stick on my success.  That's the teaching from my parents.  I decided that my success should be measured on how successful I raise my son.  

I decided that my son can be what he want to be.  My accomplishment will be deduced if he grows up as a man, having his own successful career with good health, be a good husband, a loving father, a responsible and loving son.  My achievements will be when my son is not sucked into negativity of the world today, not into drugs, not into gambling, not into drinking.  

My measurement is set, which is not very high and therefore I confident it can be achieved.  

Being an ardent Muslim, I pray for all of the above every day.  I pray that Allah will always there protecting my son all of his life.  I pray that I am healthy enough to see him in all the major milestones in his life.  I pray that my marriage will be "until death do us apart".   

Personally, I am grateful for the great career I have today. I am blessed to be surrounded with true professionals in my work life.  I pray that my luck will run forever.  I have accomplished what I aimed for the stage I am today.  I don't ask for more.  I won't.  Gratitude fill me everyday.  I am humbled with what I have today, and I share that with those who make me what I am today.  The hands that give are greater than the hands that receive. I want to be the giving hands.

Ya Allah, thank you for providing me with such a great path.  Good life.  Great health.  

Accomplishment and achievements are defined by us.  I have defined mine, have you?