Assalamualaikum Mum,
How are you there Mum? I hope that you are living in a big beautiful house, surrounded by beautiful nice garden, and you are happy there. Deep down in my heart, I know you are.
I am doing well here. I miss you so much mum. I've been dreaming about you many many times for the past weeks. Some say if the dream came with full of conversation and animations, then it is only the brain doing the tricks. I don't know mum, whatever it meant, I was happy to see you, regardless.
The first time I dreamt of you, I came and visited you, in your new house. You were full of smiles, invited me in. I was angry at you because you didn't come home. I thought you were dead, but instead you were living happily in that house that I've never known of. You were so happy that my anger against you dissolved as quick as it came. I had this strange feelings in my heart, maybe indeed it was a nightmare and everything will go back to norm once I woke up. Of course it was my wishful thinking.
In my second dream mum, I saw you sitting in our house's dining table. You were smiling at me, eating and keep saying that the food was so delicious. You looked so radiant. I was upset when you decided to leave, and found myself crying, begging you not to go. I woke up with tears in my eyes.
Yesterday Sam & I completed our packing. I told you before I am coming back to Malaysia at end of Jan 2012 right? We've done it, the house is almost empty. Still messy inside, but the main bulk of the works were done.
I am going home mum, in less than 3 weeks I will be home.
Soon I am able to come over and visit you. It has been 4 weeks now since you were gone. I miss you terribly. I hope you miss me too mum.
Dad is not doing very well without you mum. He is a broken man, he misses you so much, your presence were sorely missed. Remember mum how every morning when Dad's woke you up for solat? How both of you always teased each other. Dad with his awful song, and you shouted at him to shut-up because it was so out of tune? Since you left, dad is very emotional. He no longer sings mum. Anis said she hardly hear Dad's voice. He even refuses to sleep in the same bed, in the your room. Your strong and loving husband is left with no will to live mum. We are so worried about him. People say that is the natural stage of grieving. I hope they are right. Anis is looking after Dad properly. I know you are worried mum, but rest assured that we tried our level best to take care of him. We promised you that we will look after Dad. We also make sure that he takes his daily medication properly and accordingly. He is still the stubborn and a proud man you know. He hates it when we turn our attention on him now. He literally told us to leave him alone. Well of course we don't listen to him, as you know naturally.
Every weekend now Aa, Nullah, Emi & Adik also return home to check on him. Don't you worry about that. You have raised 6 great kids and you should be proud of your work. You and dad.
You know how Dad turns to be the caretaker of the house since he retired 11 years ago. He picks up dirty linens from all the rooms, washes and hang them on the lines. The other day Anis said he broke down when he saw your clothes. Not sure how that came about, but I guess maybe one of the clothes you forgot to put in the basket for washing.
I told Anis not to wash the dress, as I want to smell you when I return home. I miss you mum, I miss you a lot. I want to inhale into your body smell from the last clothes you wore. I want to bury my face into it. Imagining you wrapped your arms around me.
If Dad's emotion is not getting better, I plan to bring him to live with me. I know it will be a hard battle to convince him. Maybe then I will ask for your intervention. Give him some sort of sign that you support me perhaps?
Last night I was so emotional mum. I wanted to pick the phone and tell you the progress of my preparation returning home. Did I tell you that Sam bought you nice reclining chairs? One for you and one for dad. He said you can put your legs up when you come and visit us. Well, the chairs will be there, I will put them at that special spot.
16 days to go. You won't be waiting for me at the airport, I know that mum. But I will visit you soonest possible. You take care, won't you? I love you. I miss you.
Your loving daughter,
Linda
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