The life we lost

5th May 2010  was the day I will never forget.  It was Wednesday, I remembered it well because it was public holiday in Netherlands (only 5 days in a year the Dutch enjoy public holiday).  We heard Sam's mobile phone rang none stop at about 8AM our time.  Missed calls from Australia's number and immediately Sam went to laptop and dial back Solonge's number from the Sykpe.  As soon as she answered the phone we heard nothing but loud crying from the other end.  Our heart beat so fast, and Sam practically was stammering, asking her what was going on.  Solonge ranting - she's gone, Marylee is dead!.  Our world spun for that second, still coudn't comprehend the message.  We had to ask Solonge twice to ensure we heard it correctly.  

Marylee, our loving and beautiful niece.  We simply couldn't believe it.  A healthy girl at 20, bubbly and ready to embrace the world. Life just started for her, but God loves her more. He took her away in middle of the night and she simply didn't wake up the next morning. Her little sister came to her room, to wake her up for work and her piercing screaming was heard by their parents who were getting ready for breakfast.  They came and discovered their daughter Marylee was already gone.  Doctor calculated she has been dead at least 4-6 hours before they discovered her body.  What a shock!  Then I told Sam to call his mum who was at that time was in Rachaya, Labenon.  We called her, she was having her breakfast, and as soon as we told her the news we could hear her screaming at the other line, crying her heart out.  We just hang on listening to her, worried about her. We put down the phone after ensuring someone was with her. 

And the days ahead, I was in daze.  Everyday I went to Facebook, looking at Marylee's photos, tears in my eyes.  For a few nights I woke up in the middle of the night, checking on Saalem, checking on Sam.  So afraid having to endure the pain of losing someone you love, you own kid.  Praying to God not to test me in such a way.  

The following months I read day after day how Jaqueline, Marylee's mother trying to cope with her life.  Her struggles to come to term of losing her lovely daugther.  Trying to be strong for her family, but her heart and mind simply refuses to accept what has been happening.  I felt her pain. Hopelessly watching from far, knowing nothing can be said or done to take away the pain.  

The whole family struggle to cope with the fact.  Including her fiancee, who until today still live in the love they shared together for good 6 years. 

One year down the road, the scene remain the same.  

The pain still as strong as when it just happened. 

The emotional scar permanently embedded on most of the people Marylee touched. 

I pray to God that Marylee will be in peace in heaven, she is in a better place.

I pray to God to give inner strength to her immediate families and fiance, to be able to move on and deal with the lost. 

From HIM we come, to HIM we return.  Amin. 

The Definition of Achievements in life!

It is 18 months now we are in Netherlands.  Looking back, I just didn't feel the time flew.  Too fast. Felt like only yesterday we arrived here and struggling to fit into the community and the culture.  Now the decision need to be made.  Either we extend our stay or return home at the end of 24th month of our tenure here. 

What have I achieved? What achievements are all about? 

A friend from Malaysia called 5 days ago. He was in Netherlands, accompanying his son who represent Malaysia in the Robotic School Competition in Europe.  67 countries participated.  My chest burst with pride.  Proud to know a friend of mine has produced an offspring as intelligent and smart as he was when we were in school.  Proud to know these kids (15 of them), at tender age have the determination and knowledge to participate in such competition, making me felt small in comparison (figuratively, of course!). 

That's what I called accomplishment! That's define achievements! Something any parents must be proud about.  I would! 

Looking back, how I was brought up.  Looking at my parents, I felt the same burst of pride.  Proud to have such a loving and dedicated parents.  Despite all odds, raised 6 kids successfully, with only one bread winner and small income did not give any reasons to my parents not to do the best for their kids.  Materialistic - big car and big house - were not in the equation.  The results are eminent.  We are their pride and joy.  

Another set of achievements and tremendous accomplishment in my list. I am their living proof.  My heart full of gratitude and full of loves for both of them, and all my uncles and aunties who played their roles as we grew up. I love all of you and thank you!

Another layer of life created.  Another generation was born.  God blessed me with one healthy child. Though I love to have big family, I am grateful for what I have today.  I have loving husband, healthy son and good career. Blessed with what I have.   How would I define my achievements?  What are my hopes in my son?  Being the only son will make him a spoilt brat?  Will I be measured by society on the type of car I drive, the address I live in, how expensive my furniture in the house? Or will I be considered achieving the mark if I have all of the above but failing in raising my son? 

I have one conclusion, having the luck living in 4 different countries, I picked what are good, and I learn from what are bad.  One good thing I decided is that I will not be pressured by the materialism mentality as the measuring stick on my success.  That's the teaching from my parents.  I decided that my success should be measured on how successful I raise my son.  

I decided that my son can be what he want to be.  My accomplishment will be deduced if he grows up as a man, having his own successful career with good health, be a good husband, a loving father, a responsible and loving son.  My achievements will be when my son is not sucked into negativity of the world today, not into drugs, not into gambling, not into drinking.  

My measurement is set, which is not very high and therefore I confident it can be achieved.  

Being an ardent Muslim, I pray for all of the above every day.  I pray that Allah will always there protecting my son all of his life.  I pray that I am healthy enough to see him in all the major milestones in his life.  I pray that my marriage will be "until death do us apart".   

Personally, I am grateful for the great career I have today. I am blessed to be surrounded with true professionals in my work life.  I pray that my luck will run forever.  I have accomplished what I aimed for the stage I am today.  I don't ask for more.  I won't.  Gratitude fill me everyday.  I am humbled with what I have today, and I share that with those who make me what I am today.  The hands that give are greater than the hands that receive. I want to be the giving hands.

Ya Allah, thank you for providing me with such a great path.  Good life.  Great health.  

Accomplishment and achievements are defined by us.  I have defined mine, have you?