Today is Father's day for most part of the world. Today may also birthday for some mothers in some part of the world.
Our family had a tragic lost of our loved one about 4 months ago, exactly. The cause of death still not known until today. She simply did not wake up from her sleep. A young, beautiful and vibrant lady. Left behind broken hearts and souls, family and fiance.
Today is her mother's birthday. Today is also Father's day.
How does one wish happiness on day like this when the pain still visible. The agony beyond description. The lost is profound, awareness of what is missing is just too much to bear. That day still too raw and too clear in our memory.
The question of why will be there for the rest of our lives.
The answer to the cause of death, we are still waiting for the result from the authority.
FB has become the mother new obsession. She felt her daughter presence when she is in FB. Could it because she is surrounded by hundreds of photos of her daughter, full of laughter, smiles and happiness? That somehow make the days more bearable?
I am not any different. Still browsing FB, to see her from this distance. The feeling of "this can't be true" still strike me every now and then.
I am thinking. In the event like this, religion or different beliefs are no longer visible. We are joined together in sorrow. In my prayer, I pray that God will give strength - physically, emotionally and physically to all of us.
I am asking myself. Here I am, thousands kilometers away, not knowing whether I should pick up the phone. Or should I just ignore today, and let it pass by?
I am a coward. Decision is made. I just write.
To you, her immediate family, I pray to God that you stay together and stay strong. I know no amount of words can take away the pain. I hope time will heal. No target date, no deadline. Let it flows.
To her fiance, we know how much you love her. 6 years of memories together were precious. You are a good man. Perfect for our girl. You used to be the envy of the other men, for you have her love. You are her only love. Now that remains eternity. I hope in the months to come, you are able to pick up the broken pieces and move on with your life. You are still young. She was your past. You will find your future.
She will not be forgotten. She will always be remembered.
R.I.P my dearest niece. We all love you, always!
Youtube: Memories of Marylee Kfouri - RIP Beautiful
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
From The Eyes That Wide Awake: Family and loneliness
From The Eyes That Wide Awake: Family and loneliness: "Once again, I am far away from the place I grew up. There is a feeling of disconnected. To the root, to the basic understanding what cultur..."
Family and loneliness
Once again, I am far away from the place I grew up. There is a feeling of disconnected. To the root, to the basic understanding what culture is all about.
How many of you, out there, who wish that you are not what or where you are now?
I used to be like that. 10 years ago.
I met this fantastic man. Swept me off my feet. Before him, loneliness spelt out with capital L. Surrounded by friends and family, but the heart was empty.
I left my beloved home and country, followed my heart. Religion and culture clashed, something I was not prepared, nor expected. Constant battles of the what-if syndrome drove the gaps even wider. Reality set in, heart that was used to be full, now slowly eroded. Where this road would lead us? How this would end? Could it because this was not my root, reaching happiness was not always easy? What if we were not where we were? If only I was standing on the root, familiar ground, things would get better?
I was afraid of the unknowns. Believing grass always greener from where I came from.
6 years spent, decision made, we decided to pursue happiness that deserted us in the homeland of the man I love, we returned to my root. By now, it was 3 of us.
6 months later, sudden realization came through. Happiness came from within. It was not about the country we live in, not the people we minggled with. It is about satisfaction of what you have, be grateful for what you have. Religion view should unite, not divide. Differences to be treated as gifts, not curse. Complimenting the gaps, patch that up, and build the foundation.
10 years is not a short journey. Accomplishments are not clearly seen. But, satisfaction in the air. I am settling in.
We are now moving on - to another foreign land, does not belong to either one of us. Here, another culture another land, another people.
Challenges infront still as great as it was before. 2 tribes, facing apposite sides, pulling us apart. Battle will countinue to bring these 2 together.
I've yet to decide and determine resolution. Not really care to start looking for one.
One step at a time.
Had my first step today.
Second one will have to wait.
How many of you, out there, who wish that you are not what or where you are now?
I used to be like that. 10 years ago.
I met this fantastic man. Swept me off my feet. Before him, loneliness spelt out with capital L. Surrounded by friends and family, but the heart was empty.
I left my beloved home and country, followed my heart. Religion and culture clashed, something I was not prepared, nor expected. Constant battles of the what-if syndrome drove the gaps even wider. Reality set in, heart that was used to be full, now slowly eroded. Where this road would lead us? How this would end? Could it because this was not my root, reaching happiness was not always easy? What if we were not where we were? If only I was standing on the root, familiar ground, things would get better?
I was afraid of the unknowns. Believing grass always greener from where I came from.
6 years spent, decision made, we decided to pursue happiness that deserted us in the homeland of the man I love, we returned to my root. By now, it was 3 of us.
6 months later, sudden realization came through. Happiness came from within. It was not about the country we live in, not the people we minggled with. It is about satisfaction of what you have, be grateful for what you have. Religion view should unite, not divide. Differences to be treated as gifts, not curse. Complimenting the gaps, patch that up, and build the foundation.
10 years is not a short journey. Accomplishments are not clearly seen. But, satisfaction in the air. I am settling in.
We are now moving on - to another foreign land, does not belong to either one of us. Here, another culture another land, another people.
Challenges infront still as great as it was before. 2 tribes, facing apposite sides, pulling us apart. Battle will countinue to bring these 2 together.
I've yet to decide and determine resolution. Not really care to start looking for one.
One step at a time.
Had my first step today.
Second one will have to wait.
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